Okay. Here goes. I'm going to be blogging and trying to be away from facebook. I'm trying to maintain things in my life that are positive, and only positive. I'm realizing that Facebook isn't that positive for me right now. I feel like I'm partially being very selfish. I feel like since my dad died it's been very hard to see all the shit people bitch about and it all seems so simple. I would trade almost (and I definitely say almost in this) all of you. I know. That's unfair. But it really has been hard. I feel like mentally I haven't been able to process anything since he died because I feel like I needed to stay productive. I've turned that into work. Way too much work. My dad always talked a lot about the importance of work and how it was good to have a distraction. He would always tell me that being productive created a sense of self worth and would always get me through my problems. That's been true for the most part. I love my job. Seriously. I love it. It's the best job I've ever had. But it's also the hardest. I feel like physically I've been able to keep up but mentally I'm really behind. And now that I feel like I'm finally ready to start grieving, I can't. It would be really unfair to tell a new job that I now need some leave for something that happened several months ago. So, I've decided to try to keep as much negativity as I can out of my life. It's not just that I hate seeing people complain. That's really not even the majority of my problem. I just feel like it's really hostile. I feel like I have soooooo many friends (according to facebook) until I actually need something or want to do something, and suddenly I have nobody to call. If you have my information, please keep in touch. Please don't take it personally when I say that if you don't have my information then maybe we weren't really very good friends to begin with. That's okay! Seriously, there are so many people who I've enjoyed just watching on Facebook. I know it sounds stupid but there really are a lot of people on my list that I just enjoy keeping up with and seeing how their life is turning out. But it's also an information overload. An overload that my very exhausted brain can't handle right now. I may post this, delete my page, and be back in 24 hours. I might not be back. I really don't know. There's a part of me that loves it and part of me that feels like I just don't need it in my life right now. The obsession of posting something and constantly checking to see if someone liked it or commented on it is unhealthy. I know a lot of people have a lot of solutions, but my real problem is self discipline, which I don't have. I can't just get rid of the app on my phone. I can't just limit myself to checking it one day a week. I really can't. I don't have that talent haha! Anyways, I will post pictures and 'thoughts' on here for those of you who are interested. I love keeping up with everyone on facebook and I've appreciated my ability to very easily stay in touch. But I'd also like to see what kind of genuine attention I can give to people and also get from people if I can't easily access that information. So. Those of you reading this are probably the people who will read it again so, thank you very much! And, here's a few thoughts that I've been meaning to post:
1. I had to get a physical for work, as well as a TB test. My heart rate was 107. OMG. And that was AFTER sitting in the office for 20 minutes waiting.
2. I totally cried while watching Vikings. Seriously. It's an amazing show and I'm so addicted.
3. Guys, there's a Dragon Heart 3. It's on Netflix.
4. I hate secret menus.
5. Skin tags are really hard to pull off. Also they bleed a lot more than expected.
6. It's almost my birthday. If you know me well, you know how much I love my birthday.
7. I really want to go back to Harry Potter World.
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I really love you. I want only the best for you, I want for you to be happy, truly happy. I will try to follow you here but really fb is way easier. I do understand though. I hope to get to ut at some point this year, I will let you know so we can get together. Again. Love to you and Jarrod and the beasts. :-)
ReplyDeleteI give you mad props for having self discipline probably one of the hardest things for me or all of us as adults. I remember laughing with you (not at you ) ;) one time in the bathroom and I'm all Your so funny did you not take your meds lol I've always enjoyed your humor and friendship.
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